Long Hair and Writing Well

Maybe the reason I'm trying to write is to understand people.  Maybe it's because it's not something that comes naturally and it's something at which I don't feel completely competent.  Perhaps it's because someone once insinuated that I don't write well.  (actually he may have come right out and said that, I don't remember for certain)

I remember someone telling me once I'd never be able to wear my hair short because I don't have a long, slender neck.  I have a big head and my face is round and full.  I promptly cut off my hair and wore it short for years! 

Last year I grew my hair out longer than it's been in a very long time.  It was beautiful.  Naturally wavy and thick.  Perhaps he'd been right.  I had missed having lovely hair all those years because I wouldn't listen to what I viewed as someone else's criticism.

Then, a funny thing happened.  Life changed.  My hair felt too long for my age.  I didn't like the gray and the long together, and my fantastic stylist cut it back to a shoulder length for me once more.  I felt lighter and looked better.

As I read yet another rejection this morning, I thought about the place in life where I've received the opinions of others.  Sometimes I've been gracious and thankful and sometimes I've disregarded their thoughts.  As with my hair,  I am not defined by the opinions of others.  I can choose to wear my hair any way I want and I am still the person staring back at me.  Attractive, older, or too shortly cropped doesn't change who I am, how I wear my hair and how I accept criticism can change or not change how I feel about me.  It's MY choice.

I can choose to believe that I don't write well.  After all, I am not able to make a living writing and I'm not on the NY Times best seller list, or in Oprah's book club.  But someone reads my words and thoughts.  I am in the public library in the town in which I live.  And hard work and discipline are things I need in my life.  If this blog is all the futher it takes me, I'll learn to be ok with that because whatever else my writing is, to me it feels important.  And that's all that matters.

Opportunity and it's Aftermath

I've recently been thinking about opportunity.  We live in the United States of America and no-one can say we are not surrounded by opportunity, right?  After all, in my own family I have a brother who is a multimillionaire.  He came from the same humble beginnings as I and, despite some interesting beginnings, he's made something of himself.  How?  Well, opportunity of course!  An idea+someone to help him along the way=success.  WAIT!  He didn't do it ALL BY HIMSELF?  No.  And there's the rub.

I always think it's interesting when people who have never struggled believe they have the answers for those who are struggling.  It usually goes something like this: "You need to get a job."  "You need to live within your means."  "You need to be more like XYorZ (roughly translated to mean kiss someone's ass)"  They offer this advice without ever having stood on their own two feet.

I'm sorry, living with your parents, buying whatever you want because you don't have to pay rent, utilities, food, insurance, etc., does not qualify you to make judgements on my life.  When you have a real dose of what it means to support yourself, come talk to me again.

Also, if your family gave you a helping hand up, with a job or the down payment to your house, or paid for your college education, or still gives you money, don't think you know what it's like to be me.  You don't.

And that sounds bitter.  I don't mean it to be.  I'm so happy there are people out there who have had a hand up and capitalized on opportunity!  I'm so happy there are success stories!  Really!

To allay another common misconception, NO, I am NOT jealous of your success.  I do not want your house, job, car, husband or money.  What I do want is for you to understand that not everyone is you or wants to be you.  Some of us are ok with who we are, struggling, trying to help others find a way up and out.

I teach a class of college students.  The other day, one told me he bought a new car.  The student now has better, more reliable transportation than I have.  And I was so happy to have helped him get there.

I feel as if I need a "BEWARE" warning for educators.  I am the poor and disenfranchised.  I was educated.  And here I am, still struggling.  Are my chances of being employed better?  Yes.  And yet I'm still unemployed.  Some days I wish I were still ignorant and wallowing in all the bs that poor people are fed, such as, "Voting makes no difference, things will never change, so why vote?"

Here's my challenge to those reading this; understand who helped you get where you are today.  Thank them for that help, and then help someone else in the same way.  It's a big world out there, what would happen if we all cared about one another?