Just Who Am I?

I was thinking about High School. Isn't it funny that you think you know who you are at 18, only to discover that you aren't that person at all?

I sometimes have trouble reconciling this person I am to that one I was. I don't even have the same opinions, and I definitely don't look the same. What happened to me?

Many of you are probably thinking that I grew up. Well, I hope not. I hope I still have some playfulness in me and have retained a childlike sense of fun. I hope I grew down, not up! How fortunate I would be if that were true!

I think, at some point after my divorce, I found what I had lost years before. I think I found my soul.

As melodramatic as that may sound, the simple act of living life according to the expectations of others can suck the life out of the strongest person. Years of unrealistic stressors and ignorance of, well, so much, formed someone that I didn't start out to be! I genuinely feel sorry for teenagers. They are under so much pressure!

These days, I have a tattoo, that no-one who isn't married to me will ever see, to mark the occasion of me coming back to me. It's a flower, which means nothing to anyone else but myself. It's a reminder that I cannot live happy and free while trying to be who I am not.

These days, it's all good.

I'm just me. Doing what I do. Being who I am. Living my life, and measuring my success according to the standards I write (present tense, they are revised upon occasion) specially for me.

And if you don't like me? I'm ok with that. And if you have more stuff than me? That's fantastic! Congratulations! And if you're more beautiful? I'm finding that women seem to peak in their 40's! (take note all you men)

The funny part is, no-one cares anymore. All that early worrying was for nil! I wish teenagers could understand, very early on, BE WHO YOU ARE! You get to be so much happier when that happens!

Do you know me? Did you know me? Do you know what I've achieved? Overcome? What will be? No.

The only one who knows it all, is me. The greatest gift aging has taught me is, there are motivators behind most actions and reasons for everything. And it's never all about any one person.

I love that.